Probably the biggest surprise to me after my prostatectomy was the emotional roller coaster.  I think of myself as a fairly even keeled person.  I was euphoric the afternoon after the surgery and didn’t sleep until about 1am.  The next several days consisted of extreme mood swings.  Hope nobody noticed, I was trying to appear positive.  I suspect some of this was a result of starvation from my clear liquid diet.  I wasn’t drinking alcohol so there were no mood depressants involved.  I know some of it was also related to having a catheter tethered to my bladder.  I’ve been much more normal since returning to real food after five days and having my catheter removed after eight days.  But define normal.

If you’re a fan of the TV show Breaking Bad, perhaps you recall the episodes of Hank when he was bed-ridden after being shot.  He began buying rocks online.  Well, minerals actually but totally irrational purchases nonetheless.  I went through a period of buying vibrators.  I’ve been married almost 27 years and have never included vibrators in the bedroom.  Suddenly I felt I needed some.  At least five.  I even bought a vibrating cock ring which makes absolutely no sense.  A boy can dream.  I think in my mind I was doing something nice for my wife.  If your partner happens to be another guy, maybe you’ll find yourself buying something else equally stupid.  Or maybe it’ll be vibrators.  Just know that if you find yourself doing something super irrational, you’re not alone.

Knowing my wife, she’ll have me throw them all away.  I haven’t got around to even thinking about sex, because three weeks post surgery – I’m just not there yet.  The throbbing pain in my penis I associate with the catheter is finally subsiding but I still have some soreness.  I also still have burning in my meatus which I suspect could be an infection.  I might call my urologist later today.  I tried doubling my exercise earlier in the week from one three mile walk to two three mile walks.  I ended up pissing blood for the next two days.  For the most part I have not been pushing myself but that was apparently too much.

I will tell you that I am having feelings of an erection already.  I’m a bit concerned this might simply be in my mind.  I swear though I can feel the signals from my brain’s impure thoughts pinging my penis, and my penis return that ping.  I’ll go as far as to say I think I’m getting about 5% of an erection.  The problem is, this could be an optimist’s dilemma.  I might be making this up.  I think I feel something but it could easily be all in my head.  Regardless, it makes me optimistic.  When I toss out all my new vibrators, maybe I’ll hold on to that vibrating cock ring.